I watched the movie “A Beautiful Mind” again a while ago.
The first time I watched it, I was barely a teenager. I don’t think I truly
understood the meaning behind it. I don’t claim I do now, but I think I have a
little bit of more insight regarding the film. When I watched it the first
time, I flagged it as one of my favourite movies. I don’t know why I did this.
But I stayed up late to watch it now again because of that decision I took all
those years ago. Don’t we do that sometimes? Keep things, people and memories
all for sentiment’s sake? Even when those things are doing us more harm than
good? I know I do.
If you haven’t watched the movie, this is a SPOILER ALERT!
In the movie, John, the protagonist played by Russell Crowe
is a mathematical genius that suffers from paranoid schizophrenia. In the story
we meet three people who we later find out only exist in John’s imagination.
These people are Charles, his old roommate at Princeton, Charles’ niece; Marcee
and a man named William Parcher, who works for the US department of Defense and
has asked John to crack Soviet codes for the department.
The focal point of this blog post is not a synopsis of the plot;
rather, I want to liken the relationship between John and his three ‘friends’
to the lies we choose to hold on to and believe.
We all have our issues. Some run deeper than others. We have
been dragging them along our many passing seasons; refusing to let them go
because they have served us in one way or another, or because we just don’t
know how to really let them go even if we have laid them at the alter countless
times. I have issues that fall under both categories. John’s hallucinations, I
believe, can relate to three different types of lies that we hold on to in our
lives.
The first is the ‘William
Parcher’. This lie sneaks into our lives posing as something that will
elevate our circumstances, “If I do x, I will become more
beautiful/popular/interesting/won’t get hurt… insert any other appealing
adjectives. These WP lies end up holding
us hostage and even when they threaten everything we love and instill in us an
unimaginable fear, somehow, we just can’t let them go. We feel that we are ‘in
too deep’ or we still think we are in control. My WP is slightly twisted (but aren’t all lies?). Mine is that I am
not a writer. Even typing this out is hard. I’m struggling. Now, thinking that
I am not a writer doesn’t exactly elevate my status, but I believe this lie
because I don’t want to get hurt. So in a sense, my security is elevated. I
won’t get disappointed when nobody agrees that I have this ability; when I
don’t become bestseller or blogger of the month; or wherever this writing gig
will take me… if I pursue it (I’m still not convinced). Another thing is that I am surrounded by so
many obviously talented writer friends… people who have developed their craft
and have an undeniable talent. Who am I to even begin to think of walking this
road? That’s my WP lie in a nutshell. I am not a writer.
The second type of lie I would like to call the ‘Charles’. This is probably my biggest problem.
These are the lies that make you feel at home. They are our security blankets.
When the world is caving in on you, your Charles
keeps you afloat. You know that Charles is lie because he only shows up
when you need him too. If he were a truth, you would believe in his existence
24/7, rain or shine. For example, my Charles
is the lie that I struggle with depression. Now, I have had my fair share
of slumps on and off since I was sixteen, but it is no medical condition. It is
just easier to deal with something once you’ve given it a name and if you are
as dramatic as I am, you research it, find all the symptoms, watch as they match
up with your life and voila you have
depression… or hypochondria. Charles helps
keep me in the slump. It justifies my slump. Your Charles, no matter how comforting or well meaning, keeps you back
from being the overcomer you are.
The last type of lie is the Marcee. The Marcee is
the lie that makes you feel good about yourself; the ‘pat yourself on the
shoulder’ type of lie. We know that Marcee
is a fraud because she makes us forget all our shortcomings. We run to Marcee when we are trying to avoid
dealing with issues at hand. Instead, we look at all that is going well for us.
As an aside, this is exactly what political parties do just before elections.
My Marcee tells me that I am a good
dutiful daughter. All the symptoms point to this. But what Marcee conceals is that it is the fear of man, rather than the
Ephesians 6:1 conviction that drives these compliant actions. By entertaining
Marcee, I begin to see every conflict between my parents (or other people) and
myself in a skewed way. I am able to see where they are coming from (because
after all, I am the humble and sensible one), but I am misunderstood; the one
that must bear the cross of being under authority. I’m not saying that it is
always the case that my view is lopsided, but because of Marcee, it makes it complicated to discern when I am right and when
I am not. Oh Marcee!
There is absolutely no point in putting all the lies in your
life into three neat boxes if it ends there. There needs to be a way forward.
Are you going to acknowledge these lies, ‘keep calm and carry on’? Or is your
boxing going to help you deal with these lies and kick them to the curb?
Through his wife, Alicia, John finds himself committed at a
psychiatric institution and receives shock therapy that somewhat disfigures
him. But it is not until he threatens the life of his infant son and assaults
his wife (thinking that he is protecting her) does he realize that he is indeed
sick. He comes to accept his condition when he realizes that throughout the years
that he has been seeing his three ‘friends’, Marcee had not grown older; she was
always the same age. I don’t care how many times you have DMCs with your accountability
partners or you respond to the alter call, you will not go anywhere unless you
are totally convinced of the existence of the lie and are even more convinced
that it needs to stop.
The most profound thing that gripped me about this movie and
what got me thinking about this post is that years later, John still saw his
three lies. Whenever he met new people, he would have to ask someone who he
trusted and knew existed if they could see this new acquaintance. But the fact
is that, those three lies never left him and their existence in his head made
it possible for new lies to come about. But here is the thing; he learnt not to
entertain those lies. It didn’t matter how bored with his life he was, or how
lonely he was, or how insignificant he felt, he did not entertain those lies.
“… in the same way, count yourselves dead to sin but alive to God in Christ Jesus. Therefore do not let sin (lies) reign in your mortal body so that you obey its evil desires…” Romans 6:11
Like John who carried the physical scars of the treatment he
had gone through on his way to his healing, we too will have marks, internal or
otherwise, that show that ‘WP, Charles
and/or Marcee were here’
But by grace alone; we too have an Alicia who stays through
it all. He sticks out every blow, every ditch attempt and every relapse. He
offers a new life, a better life of truth. Once we accept him and all the truth
he offers, we may one day echo John’s words to his Alicia:
“I’ve made the most important discovery of my life. It’s only in the mysterious equation of love that any logical reasons can be found. I’m only here tonight because of you. You are the only reason I am… you are all my reasons.”
Selah.
